Save This Dance
by Indigo77
Summary: "Sometimes, I feel like ripping apart my skin, and searching for a reason for why I feel this empty." -Unknown. There was something about living in darkness...You get so used to the solitude, quiet and emptiness. But, what if you get exposed to a light so bright your only choice was to pull yourself from the shadows? Can Ana's light illuminate Christian's dark and lonely world?
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N**_

 _ **This is a one shot story about our two most favourite lovers finding each other that popped up in my head at the wee hours of the morning while having busy brain( you know, that time when you think about everything under the sun when you**_ _ **'**_ _ **re supposed to be falling asleep). So, busy brain birthed**_ _ **'**_ _ **Save This Dance**_ _ **'**_ _ **and I couldn't stop writing until I felt it was complete - that happened to be at 4:38 in the morning. This is not my first attempt at writing, but the first that I have posted on Fan Fiction. My first attempt is still in progress and this is my second. I have no experience in writing other than the stuff we used to do in school, so I**_ _ **'**_ _ **m just doing this for enjoyment.**_

 _ **Ps: I include songs in my writing that you can choose to listen to while reading a certain section of a chapter. I like how music can convey some of the emotions and feelings of what is being written about and sometimes transport you to a place you maybe wouldn't have gone to without it.**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story. The characters, other than the ones I have created, belong to E.L James.**_

* * *

 **SAVE THIS DANCE**

 **CHAPTER 1**

 _[Song : Smothered by Daughter]_

It was a beautiful evening. The moon's pale light brightened the dark clear cloudless sky and bright sequin-silver stars danced in the indistinct atmosphere. Like a beautiful canvas it reflected back into the pond that Christian was staring into. His thoughts were muffled by the loud music coming from the big white wedding tent where his family were celebrating. He never was someone for such social events, but a forced promise to his mother was the cause for his presence at a wedding he did not want to attend. She pleaded with him to come to his cousin's wedding and as much as he didn't give a fuck about what his cousins were up to he gave in just so that his mother could stop the torturous pursuit to get him involved in family gatherings. He was a recluse, plain and simple. He didn't like mingling with other people or socialise with them to create relationships and companionships. He was different and he always was, there were no two ways about it and he made no excuses for it. This was the life he created for himself. Controlled and planned out, cold and meticulous, keeping people at a distance so that no one can be important enough to make an impact on it. If he allowed people to come into his life, form trusting relationships and build a bond, there were always the possibilities of losing them, of them hurting and deserting him. He knew how it felt to trust in someone and have that trust broken into irreparable pieces. He knew how it felt to be ripped from someone he cared for and loved, and he knew the hollow and empty feeling it left behind when he was left alone and vulnerable. It was the same incident in his life that made him put trust in no one and only trust himself. It was the same incident in his life that closed him off from the world and it was the same incident in his life that made him exercise control in all things. Because, as much as Christian would have wanted to resist the thought that it hurt and scarred him greatly, _it did_. The same demons that tortured him when he was a little toddler looking for love still tormented him to this day and the effects still lingered, still pained, still consumed him to the point of a lonely and cold life where he allowed no light and no colour. He didn't know anything else. He couldn't even remember the last time he laughed or smiled, he couldn't remember the last time he felt happy or so overjoyed his heart felt it could jump out of his chest. _In fact_ , he has never really experienced true joy. He has never experienced freedom. He wanted to be free from the dark clutches that tormented his dreams every night, freed from the loneliness that consumed his day-to-day life, freed from the cold and distant life he lead - free from hurt. He has worked hard for the wealth he has attained, the large empire he built a trophy and example of it. He has the amount of power that would make many human beings lose their sanity and yet he has not managed to overpower the demons of his past. He has lost himself in his work and got by the days in a daze that was hard to shake, coming home to an apartment that was cold and empty, no evidence of any person living in it. As he looked into the calm ripples of the water he realised that _he_ was in fact cold and empty. _And lost_. He was lost and he didn't know if he could ever be found, so far gone that no lifeline was long enough to reach him. Christian yearned for freedom. He didn't admit it to himself, but he yearned to be filled. With what, he did not yet know, but he was yearning for something unknown, something he was not yet aware of. And that's when it hit him like a bulldozer. He will never get it. He will never feel what he desired to feel because, he didn't deserve it. He was never good enough, his life is fucked up, he had too many demons, he will never be happy, he will never be free. All these thoughts swam through his head as he walked over to the side of the large pond where no one could see him.

Suddenly nothing made sense anymore, his life didn't make sense, his wealth didn't matter, the multi-billion dollar empire he built didn't matter, the family he inherited who were celebrating in a tent in the distance didn't matter, _he_ didn't matter. Everything became a jumbled mess inside his mind to the point where he became numb to his reality, the ghost of his futile existence laughing in his face. That is why, when he looked at the reflection of the silver moon reflecting in the dark murky pond, he gave in to the pressure of thirty-one years and took off his tux jacket, placing it over the armrest of a wooden bench nearby and walked towards the edge of the pond, never stopping when the water penetrated his dress shoes. When the water reached his calves he looked back at the tent with a heavy heart, _this_ was it. Muffled voices and laughter could be heard over the music, but his mind was suddenly empty. It was like the calm before the storm. He looked heavenward then and closed his eyes, his arms hanging enervated at his sides as if all his troubles were hanging from them. Christian felt himself slipping as the thirty-one years of his life flashed through his consciousness and allowed himself to experience every single emotion that presented itself. For the first time in his life he felt for that little four year old boy who was waiting for his mommy to wake up, he felt for the lost and troubled sixteen year old teenager who allowed himself to be dragged into BDSM and he felt for the broken grown man who had everything, but yet nothing. It was all so difficult to bear - painful. It teared him apart, but he endured every second of it. He wanted to feel it. He had suppressed it long enough and it became too much. It restricted his thoughts, it restricted his mind, it restricted his heart and it restricted his entire life. He never felt anything in his life, never allowed himself to and for the first time he felt a hot stream of tears roll down his cheeks. He has never cried in twenty-seven years and everything inside him became heightened as the weight of his life descended upon him, so much so that it felt hard to breath. It was so overwhelming that his legs gave way and he landed on his knees, the water splashing around him. He didn't make a sound, he couldn't, his arms felt heavy and his chest ached like something was squeezing the life out of him. Tears silently rolled over his cheeks as his emotions spilled over into the peaceful and statue-still pond.

"Aren't you a bit overdressed for skinny dipping?"

A soft and delicate feminine voice brought him back to reality and his senses as shock and panic seized him before he breathed in heavily. He thought his mind was playing tricks on him, that maybe he imagined hearing someone, but then he heard the crunch of grass underneath feet as the person came closer. He swiftly got up out of the water and splashed his face to get rid of the salty tracks on his cheeks. He didn't expect anyone to be coming near this part of the venue and he felt himself unprepared to turn around and explain himself. So as he stalled while staying frozen to the spot he listened and hoped that she walked away, but she didn't. He decided to turn around then, to get out of the pond and just walk away without a word, but when he finally turned around he was met with the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on staring at him with softened jewel-blue eyes, gently smiling at him with her hands behind her back. Her dark mocha brown tresses of hair curtained her beautiful face and fell over her breasts, her gold and cream chiffon dress fluttering in the warm breeze, exposing her porcelain skin as the slit of her dress flipped open by the mischievous draft of air. Here, in front of him, stood an angel. Her spellbinding eyes still stared at him, her gentle smile still lingered as she went to sit down on the bench gesturing for him to sit down next to her. His feet moved of their own accord, the rustling of the water the only sound as he dragged his feet through it. When he sat down next to her on the opposite end of the bench he looked at her as if she were a ghost as she stared straight ahead at the spot he was just occupying a few seconds ago. He took that time to examine her beautiful face, his eyes moving from the halo of her dark mocha brown hair, past her spider's leg eyelashes and perfect cheekbones, over her cute little pixie nose and resting on her cupid's bow lips that was painted in bright red. She was extraordinarily beautiful.

"Beautiful night isn't it?" She smiled then, he too captivated by her beauty to say anything. She turned to him, her beautiful face so alluring he could only stare.

"I'm Ana." She extended her hand, but he didn't make a move to take it. He was still overwhelmed with what just happened and the realisation of what he just tried to do dawned on him. He looked away as shame and embarrassment covered him and looked at the pond now void of his body. The weight of what he was about to do weighed down his shoulders as a sigh escaped from his mouth. The first people that came to his mind were his parents, brother and sister and how what he wanted to do could have affected them. _Would they have cared? Would they have been relieved? Would they have hurt?_ Her voice brought him back when she spoke again.

"I know what you wanted to do, and it's not worth it you know." She dropped her hand and went back to staring at the pond.

"I don't know what you are going through and it might be painful to the point where you feel like your heart wants to tear open and bleed out, but no life is worth giving up on. You might have followed a rainbow in search of the pot of gold your whole life, walking through trenches, raking through briers and thorns and giving up when you only had one branch to move away to see the pot of gold waiting on the other side." She turned to him again, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears and her hands gently resting in her lap. "My point really, is to never give up. Never give up searching, never give up on yourself. Your life is worth living, no matter how hard it is, there will be a rainbow after your storm. It might not feel like it now, but there are always people out there who cares. You should just look carefully enough or they will find you. The world isn't as bad as you might think." She looked away quickly, blinking away her unshed tears as she felt the intensity of the moment.

She stunned him with her words and he listened to every bit of it, it penetrating through the stoic facade and steel walls he put up over the years. She brought him peace and calmed him the moment he saw her, her presence supplying light to his dark world. For some reason, without her ever having said anything she made him feel lighter, just by being there.

"Dance with me."

Just like his feet earlier, words escaped his mouth without him thinking. The first time he has ever asked someone to dance with him and it is a total stranger. A stranger he felt a strange connection to that he couldn't explain, but he felt it. The first drop of colour on his black and white world because, for the first time he felt something stir inside of him. It was like the first crack on a caterpillar's cocoon. She looked up at him and smiled, his heart skipping a beat for the first time in his entire life.

"Of course, shall we?"

 _[Song: Save You by Turin Brakes]_

She got up and extended her hand out to him which he took, an electric current tingling from where they touched and making its way up their arms. Both of them felt it and their eyes locked. Silver-grey stared into paradise-blue as he got up, never taking his eyes from hers. She smiled at him and curtsied which elicited a smile from him, the feeling alien as it was such a rarity. He bowed before taking her into his arms, never thinking about his fear of touch. Her hand landed over his chest and he expected to feel the scorching heat and pain that always accompanied any person's touch, but there was nothing. No pain, just the warmth of her hand which she pulled away and rested on his shoulder. He twirled her around and she giggled, another skip of his heart following, the sound of her giggles the most beautiful thing he has ever heard. This woman in front of him took his breath away and he didn't even know her. He never thought it possible that he could experience the things he felt at that moment and when he took her into his arms again it felt like home. As much as he didn't want to get his hopes up, he revelled in the moment of being this close to her. Never in his life did he think he would be dancing with a stranger next to a pond which he almost took his life in, the evening turning out to be nothing like he expected.

"Thank you Ana."

She pulled away and looked at him.

"For what?"

"For saving me, for giving me hope again."

"I didn't do anything. It's all you, you have the power. You made the decision to save yourself and I'd say that's a very brave thing to do. It's easy to give up, but it takes a strong person to keep going. You are strong."

Her words punched him in the gut with their severity. No-one's words has ever impacted him as much as the woman dancing with him. He felt overwhelmed and stayed quiet, not really sure how to respond.

"I was there too you know, a few years ago." His brows furrowed as he tried to make out what she meant.

"I almost took my life when I was seventeen years old. My stepdad died in a car crash while on his way home from the store. He went to go buy macaroni because we were out and I wanted to prepare him his favourite dish. When the police came to the door and gave me the news I pretty much died inside." She looked away into the distance as if recalling the event in her mind before continuing. "He was all I had, since my mom's presence in my life was practically non-existent. I refused to stay with her and ended up staying at my friend Kate's house who's parents later adopted me. I was in a dark place and felt that I didn't belong anywhere, that my life didn't matter. I felt responsible for his death, but I now know that it wasn't my fault, that I couldn't change anything. At that time I couldn't see the future or me being happy in it so one day I just decided to take a bunch of Kate's dad's pills and went to go sit in the tub. Kate found me and her mom rushed me to the hospital. I didn't want to live, I had nothing to live for, but it took me a while to get to a place where I viewed my life as more than just my experiences. It has been a long road, but a road worth treading, because I wouldn't be the person I am today if not for my tribulations. It pushed me to challenge myself, to go inside and find myself. In the end it's about becoming the best version of yourself and trying to connect to the true source of love inside of you."

"I'm sorry that you had to go through that."

"I am not." She smiled at him before tilting her head to the side with an expression of one who is thinking about something. She returned her gaze to him and continued.

"I see affliction as a way for me to grow as a person. If we didn't go through things that hurt and challenged us and life was all dandy whoopty-doo-da, we would just not grow as a person." She shrugged and continued. "We'll then just be content with how we are, no matter how much we still needed to grow. It is part of the school of life. Start seeing it as a lesson or a challenge instead of affliction. It will only weigh you down and become too much. You can do this you know. Live. Live and do what makes you happy. If I could do it, so could you."

He stopped dancing and looked at her then, what she was doing to him almost hard to believe. She was saving him. Her presence, her words, all of her came in the form of redemption and he was awed. She was the epitome of gentleness and compassion, her empathy at the core of her being. She stared at him too. She was staring at a lost man and if she could be the light that illuminated his dark path to freedom she would do it. She didn't know why she was drawn to him, she didn't know why she felt to take a walk and a break from all the noise and she didn't know why she walked to the spot where this stranger was about to take his life. All she knew was that she found herself halting in her tracks when she saw him fall to his knees, his emotional state evident by his slump shoulders and limp arms. She knew he was giving up, she knew what it felt like and she knew what it looked like. She was also attracted to him and it felt so good in his strong arms, the energy between them enough to light an entire city. She wanted to help him heal, just like she had to heal. She knew how it felt to experience salvation and freedom from the chains that used to bind her, that liberating feeling of coming into your own. She wanted that for him too.

"What's your favourite colour?"

"Well, that's a one-eighty turn in conversation." A laugh escaped from his mouth, which surprised him, but he decided not to dwell on it when she joined him and waved her hand in the air.

"Well, I think we have had enough heavy talk for the evening. Besides, my dress and legs are wet, which is a bit distracting." She giggled and he realised only then that he has been dancing with wet pants and shoes. He burst out laughing, full out laugh and he could feel the tension lifting slowly. He was laughing, genuinely laughing for the first time in years and it was with a beautiful stranger who saved his life. It felt amazing.

"I've never thought about it, but I guess it would be blue. What is yours? Apologies for my wet pants, I chased a goose into the pond." Their laughter filled the quiet night again.

"You're joking, which is good. All worth the wet dress. My favourite colour is purple, but I don't really like to wear it. Okay, your turn." She jutted out her chin towards him to indicate that he needed to ask a question next.

"My turn for what?"

"To ask a random question."

"Hhmmm." He pursed his lips in thought as he stared at her waiting in anticipation for what he will ask her next.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" She smiled shyly at the question, but she had hoped it was one of the questions he would ask.

"No. What about you?"

"Have a boyfriend? No, and neither a girlfriend." They both chuckled and continued dancing, the moonlight splashing down its watery white-silver glow bathing them.

"Okay, my turn. How old are you."

"Turned thirty-one a few months ago. I'm not so sure if I could ask you the same question though?"

"Why is that?" She asked with her lips twitching trying to hide her smile.

"Because they say a lady never reveals her age."

"Well, age is just an illusion anyway. I always say you are as old as you feel. I am twenty-two years _young,_ by the way _,_ and will be turning twenty-three in September." He chuckled at her wittiness and held her a little bit tighter, the fragrance of her shampoo filling his senses.

"If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?"

"Hmmm, that's easy. I'd go to London." She answered immediately. "What about you?"

"Here." He pulled away a fraction and looked down at her. "At this moment If I could be anywhere in the world it would be here dancing with you Ana."

Her heart jumped at his words. She thought about the broken man she saw just a few minutes ago and how in the few minutes that they have been dancing he already has shed so much weight from his shoulders. If he was open to her advice, he could be open to the prospect of saving his own life and living it to the fullest. She watched him as his grey intense stare bore into her, his chestnut brown hair slightly disarrayed and hanging over his forehead. She had to hold back from taking her hand and raking it through the silky strands gently fluttering in the soft warm breeze. He was a handsome man, but a broken man and she made the choice to be there for him and help him through whatever battles he was fighting. She knew that this man in front of her will be in her life for a very long time, she didn't know how, but she just knew.

"I didn't get your name." She said softly while looking up into his beautiful and unique grey eyes.

"It's Christian."

"Well Christian, I would like to help you if you'll let me." She smiled up at him. Christian could hear the faint crack of the metaphorical shackles around his life.

"I would love that Ana." And he meant it as he stared down into her beautiful smiling face. He couldn't think of anything better.

The music in the tent has stopped long ago and people were stacking up chairs outside of it, but Ana and Christian didn't care, because in that moment it was just them, two souls who found each other and provided light and warmth to each other's worlds. They continued to dance, the silence soothing and their hearts providing the tempo and beat to the song they danced to.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**

 **Guess what?! You guessed right! 'Save This Dance' is no longer a one shot story, but a short story (a very short story), all thanks to your positive and encouraging reviews!**

 **I am still a little awe-struck about how well received my story has been and still can't believe I actually took the leap to post something on. I am not a writer and it all just happened in a daze - ping! Idea, write and post. I didn't proof read it, I just thought if I kept it in my possession for too long that it will never make it on to FF. I am my toughest critic.**

 **With that said, here's chapter two of 'Save This Dance'.**

 **PS: Thank you for every follow/favourite, review and PM. I tried to reply to all, but couldn't reply to guest reviewers. So, I'll use this A/N to thank you all for your amazing reviews and support of this story.**  
 **I appreciate it immensely! 3**

 **Now, onto our two most favourite lovers[sorry for the long-ass author's note].**

 **Laters beautiful souls ;)**

* * *

 **SAVE THIS DANCE**

 **CHAPTER 2**

The past four weeks since the incident was a process of both terrifying and freeing revelations for Christian. Ana took him through transformative experiences camouflaged as fun, spontaneous and impromptu activities which ranged from bicycle rides, walks along the pier, eating ice cream while watching the sun set and feeding birds. Ana was teaching Christian to be in the moment, to enjoy life and appreciate every experience no matter how minuscule it might have seem. Their relationship evolved into a blooming and trusting friendship that could only be linked to an outer worldly connection. A connection that almost seemed spiritual, as if their spirits connected and recognised each other the moment they laid eyes on each other the evening of his attempted suicide. What they shared was hard to explain through words, because it was hard to explain a connection that surpassed all the senses. There were so many moments where both of them felt like pinching themselves, because the reality of their relationship was so hard to grasp and believe, yet so familiar and just… _right_. They were two people who felt so at home with each other, their connection so tangible, but in actuality they were still strangers.

Over the passing month Christian felt the shell he was hiding in crack open with a flourish and witnessed himself spilling over the sides when he started to talk to Ana about his past. Actually talk about himself and his past. Something Christian was not too familiar with, but Ana made it so easy and made it seem so natural for him to talk to her. She had this open aura and presence that made him feel like she could fix and mend all his problems just by listening to him. When she gave him that gorgeous smile of hers the whole world seemed right. It resembled a warm cocoon that protected him from everything else. It was just the two of them. It was painful and disconcerting, yes, but at the same time freeing and transformative. There was something about talking to someone that you trusted so wholly that it felt your life depended upon it. Feeling like you are heard and that you mean something to someone. It wasn't the same as the trust he put in his therapist. Oh no. John Flynn had to sign a NDA and his confidentiality came with his profession as he had to do with all his other patients. But Ana… She didn't sign a NDA, she wasn't a professional therapist and she could at any time disclose all of his secrets to the world, but she didn't. And he trusted her. Something he has never created space for in his 31 years of living. He never trusted anyone as much as he trusted Ana. He trusted her wholly and fully, and for some time fought with the unfamiliar reality that he now had a trusting friendship with the most beautiful woman he had ever laid his eyes on - something he had never experienced in his entire life either. There were days where he got consumed with fear at the thought that she might leave him and that all of this was temporary, but then she would smile at him and make the world right again with her soothing and comforting words that inculcated and imprinted trust and confidence in their relationship into his being. Over and over she proved herself and her dedication to the words she spoke that evening they met, her words providing a balm to the wounds they were busy healing. 'I would like to help you if you'll let me', she had said and helping she did, in all her flamboyant, energetic and life-altering glory. She was his saving grace. _She_ made him want to be a better person, _she_ made him want to change, _she_ brought out the best in him and _she_ was the one who brought healing and transformation to his life. _She_ was the light to his dark world and _she_ was the one who was busy colouring in the black and white canvas his life used to be. As much as Flynn tried to enunciate the fact that he shouldn't be so emotionally and psychologically reliant on her, he couldn't deny the fact that at this period of time in his life he needed her in that way. He didn't know if it will cease or intensify over time, but at this moment, his life was taking a turn for the better and he was hell bent on keeping it that way. _For her_. She deserved so much more. She deserved the best he could give. She deserved the world.  
She was so pure in her thoughts, in the things that she did. So mindful of the people around her and how she impacted their lives. She wanted to save everyone, but Christian wanted to be her saving grace, her protector and her peace. She deserved that and so much more than he could give her. How did you hold onto a light so bright?

The night after they met they had dinner at Escala, where he found out that she lived a few blocks from him with her childhood friend Kate she spoke about. Later it dawned on him that the woman who has come to be so important to him was always close to him in some way. She had moved to Seattle a year before, after she finished at WSU in Portland, and was working at a local and well established publishing house called SIP. He later found out that she acquired the company after seven months of working there and ultimately saved it from collapsing due to insufficient funding. Apparently no one was aware of their impending doom and Ana felt that she had the means to save it. It was the opportunity for her to live out her dream of being in publishing. She used the money she inherited from the trust her stepdad Ray had put in place for her and used it to become the owner and CEO of the company that was now called Steele International Publishers instead of the previous Smith International Publishers, the company's abbreviated name staying intact. Yet again she was the saving grace to something she didn't even know or had any personal affiliations to, her humanity and compassion astonishing. That evening at the dinner table they spoke about everything under the sun and conversation came so easily that they found themselves surprised when they checked the time to see that they have been talking for 7 hours non-stop, never moving from the balcony they had dinner at. They would have talked till the sun came up, but Ana had to get up in 5 hours to get to work. So, they called it a night and started to make it a routine, which resulted in dinner at Escala every second day of the week. He was thrilled and found his apartment becoming less cold and more homey as she added a little life to it every time she came around. His apartment now had fresh flowers brightening up the space and Ana somehow managed to capture some photos of Christian smiling and laughing and put one on his desk and the other in his room. As much as he hated pictures of himself, he couldn't throw the pictures away or take them down because it came from her. If it had been anyone else they would have been destroyed the moment he laid eyes on them, but he couldn't get what she said to him when he came across them out of his head every time he looked at them. His mind drifted as he was leaning back in his office chair with his hands resting in his hair, and he thought about that day when they came home from the farmers market one afternoon and she had arranged with Mrs. Jones to put them up. She knew that he would go into his office while she made dinner and waited for him to return in his full blaze and glory. It took him five seconds to notice the unfamiliar smiling man in the silver frame, but another twenty-five just to figure out what it was doing there. When he came into the kitchen, hair in disarray, she knew he must have been pondering the reason for the photo on his desk while pulling at his hair. The look on his face was of utter frustration and confusion and could only have been described as dumbstruck and brazenly annoyed. He went out into the kitchen and she was standing with her back to him in a pastel pink body con dress that ended above the knee, hair taken up in a loose bun, bare feet and the cutest white unicorn apron she always used to cook in. He just watched her for a while and took her in as she moved around the kitchen, singing along to the music playing in the background and swaying her hips to the rhythm. _Those hips_. He was so hypnotised by them that he almost forgot why he came into the kitchen in the first place. Mrs. Jones gave Ana the heads up and she turned around to find a sexy Christian with his dress shirt's sleeves rolled up and top button of his dress shirt undone, hair disarrayed and confusion plastered all over his face. She thought he looked so cute and gave him her best smile, because she knew exactly what was coming.

"Ana, can I see you in my office please?"

"Oh, yes, of course." She said with a mega watt smile.

He turned around and headed back to his office and Ana couldn't help but to let out a giggle followed by a wave to Mrs. Jones as she made her way to Mr. Serious' lair. The door was left open and when she entered she saw him behind his desk with the silver frame in his hand, staring at it as if it was a crying baby and he didn't know what to do with it. So, she slipped inside his office, closed the door behind her and took a seat opposite him.

"You wanted to see me."

He looked up at her and she smiled that soothing smile of hers and he didn't know what to do with himself.

"What is this?"

"What do you mean?"

"This…" He raised the frame and set it down on his desk so that it faced her.

"Oh, you mean the picture of you? It's lovely isn't it." Another smile. How the hell is she always so captivating?

"But… Why?"

"Christian, it is a picture of you. Everyone has pictures of themselves around their homes."

"I don't want to see myself Ana."

He got up out of his chair and started pacing the room.

"Why wouldn't you? For starters… You're handsome, you have the most amazing smile and you look so happy in it. Just look at how your eyes are dancing with happiness."

He halted.

"You think I am handsome?" She turned her chair to him and leaned back, a slight blush creeping onto her cheeks.

"Yes, I do, but I also think you are beautiful on the inside too and it shines through in these pictures I have put up of you. I want you to see that you can be happy and that you deserve to be happy. I also want you to see that you are beautiful inside and out and that you can look at yourself everyday and start to recognise it. Look."

She turned the frame to him and he could only stare. No words, nothing, just stare. She always had a way of leaving him speechless. _Where the fucking hell did she come from?_

So, as he sat in the office of his penthouse castle in the sky on a chilly autumn Saturday afternoon, he looked at the picture of a smiling man and now smiled back. She did this to him. She made him lose all his senses, made him feel invincible and made him feel safe and content for the first time in his life.

He missed her.

He missed her presence so much when she was not there. He missed her laugh and giggles filling the silent space. He missed how her cheeks flamed when he complimented her, he missed her cute and adorable impromptus antics that both surprised him and made his heart swell. She was so care-free and full of life that he found himself become more and more alive with every passing moment. He was going to see her later for dinner, but the wait was always torturous. She was like a drug and he couldn't get enough of her. He was hooked and the withdrawal symptoms were almost painful when she was away from him. All he wanted to do was be around her. In contact. Connected. He found himself thinking about her almost every second of the day, his iron-clad work ethic simmering down and taking on a more manageable and healthy routine. He used to submerge himself in his work and the occasional submissive over the weekend used to temporarily distract and conceal the realities of his life. He was constantly running away from his demons and finding things to distract his mind from his harsh past and present torment, but Ana was the one who brought to light that he was going to face them from now on. When he told her about his past and connection to BDSM, he thought that it would be the last time he would see her, the unexpected conversation brought on by something so minuscule as chocolate cake when Ana made him one for dessert one evening, triggering a memory about his birth mother in the process. He couldn't believe that he was telling her everything, she just seemed to pull it out of him without even asking for it. What surprised him even more was the fact that she was very understanding towards everything he told her and empathised with him as if she herself went through everything he has gone through. He remembered how her eyes filled with tears and how she cried as he told her his story. He didn't want her to cry and it pained him so much to see her hurt for him, but at the same time it felt comforting to know that she cared so much about him. _Him_. Those tears turned into blazing anger when she found out about a certain woman with platinum blond hair who was the one who introduced him to BDSM. His mother's friend and confidant who used the sensitive information about his past to manipulate him and the one who demolished his self-esteem and self-worth to the point where he didn't see any other way of having a normal life and any healthy relationships. She was a pedophile who preyed on him and wanted him all to herself. She encouraged his controlling and closed off existence and manipulated him into thinking that she was the only friend he had, that he wasn't worthy of anything or anyone else. Ana however, opened his eyes to what Elena Lincoln really was, and overwhelming and enlightening as her revelations were, he found himself still affected by the evil woman's indoctrination since her claws was in so deep. Over time Ana managed to chip away the scales from his eyes as they spoke about it more and more and he finally realised what a terrible person Elena really was. She didn't save him, she drained his life force and sucked him dry with her poisonous fangs and the hardest thing was realising that she was always the one in control.

A familiar voice coming from the great room brought him out of his thoughts yelling his name and his heart immediately started pumping more blood. Energy he didn't even feel a second ago filled his body and all he wanted to do was see her. He wanted to see her gorgeous face that gets painted with a smile when she sees him. He wanted to feel her energy and presence since it was like a soothing balm to his chaotic mind. His feet moved of their own accord, pulling him to the great room as if pulled by an invisible force. Christian was hooked like a moth to a flame and the one holding the line was on the other side of his office door.

 _WHAT THE HOLY FUCK?!_

Christian thought while looking at what seemed to be a wheelbarrow in the great room. A fucking wheelbarrow of all things. His furniture had been rearranged and now looked as if a forceful gush of wind swept through the apartment resulting in everything shifting around. _What the fuck was going on?_

"Hi!"

Ana looked up at him with excitement and a smile that could kill the strongest of men. There it was. She made him weak, and once again he found himself speechless at the power she held over him. It was magic and she was the sorcerer that has captured him. Normally this would have made him flip, but it was Ana. She disarmed him like no one ever could and yet he still didn't realise what that magic was called. Ana realised that Christian's mind was getting the better of him so she broke the silence.

"Today we are going to have some fun and push each other around blindfolded in a wheelbarrow while the other directs us where to go. Ta daaaaa!"

Ana grinned and opened up her arms, knowing full well that Christian probably thought she was crazy. She laughed inwardly because she probably was, but he never made her feel shy or ashamed to be herself. She felt free and she has never had that with anyone.

Christian pulled his fingers through his hair and rested his hands behind his neck with a look of utter disbelief plastered on his handsome face. Then he finally managed to say something.

"Uh, what is the purpose of this Ana?"

She giggled.

"We are going to trust each other and give over control."

"Why the fuck would I do THAT?"

 _Giggle_. And he almost bloody joined her.

"Becaaaaaause, it'll be fun and you'll learn to hand over control and trust to someone other than yourself. Come on, live a little Christian. No one will get to see you sitting inside a wheelbarrow being pushed around by me."

Silence… and immediately hysterical laughter by both of them filled the room.

"No fucking way Ana. If you think I'm going to get into a wheelbarrow and have you push me around a self made furniture obstacle course you're fucking crazier than I thought."

She bursted out laughing, bending over clutching her stomach and snorted. She bloody snorted and all he could think was how absolutely cute she is. As serious as he was trying to portray himself to be, he just couldn't withhold his smile.

"I am serious Ana."

"Then why are you smiling? You know it will be fun. Don't think about what we are doing and just…have…fun."

"No"

"Yes"

"No Ana"

"Please?"

And she made a sad face, a fucking sad face and pushed out her bottom lip. In all honesty, Christian couldn't say no to Ana, but he had to mask the fact that he had totally lost control to her already. She already had his trust and _she_ was in fact in control.

"Fine. So what is it exactly that we are going to do Miss Steele?"

Her face lit up like a christmas tree and the world was just right. This woman was going to be the death of him.

"Well Mr. Grey, we are going to ease into this and you can push me first. You'll be blindfolded and I will sit in the wheelbarrow directing you."

"How is that even safe?"

"Oh Christian, you're not going to dash through the course are you? You'll move slowly silly."

Silly. If anyone else had called him that there would have been consequences, but here this woman called him silly and he was trying to withhold a smile.

"Alright, and you think that you'll be able to push me through the course?"

"Do you trust that I can?"

"Well, I don't know if you can."

"Well, that's the point of it isn't it? Do you trust that I can do it?"

And she damn well proved she could. Christian was surprised by the fact that this little petite woman was able to lift him up and push him through the self made obstacle course. She had to stop to put him down a few times, but she was so meticulous and so careful when she moved through it. Then he realised that that was how she was with him. Meticulous and careful, gentle and concerned. He could trust her with his life and she would protect it with all she had. How was he deserving of someone like her? How do you embrace a presence that can literally consume you with it's pureness and intensity? But, _she_ was worth it. She was worth the jump. She was worth losing himself in the fire that consumed your soul. She was worth the burn because, _she_ was the fire and he wanted to be consumed by her.

That night at the dining table Christian looked at Ana with different eyes. He still saw her beauty, he still was captivated by her mouth as she spoke about the exciting things happening at work and how she's helping a brilliant young author with amazing potential. She was so passionate about everything she did, about changing the world and making it a better place. Her face was lit up with joy and he was captivated by every little word. All he wanted to do was drink her up, to sip slowly on her essence like a good quality wine. But, tonight was different. Whilst he was looking at Ana, he saw her soul. He saw the beauty who she really was, the pureness and love that embodied her vessel. She was a beautiful woman, the most beautiful woman to Christian, but her soul made her to be out of this world and he kept thinking that this world is so privileged to have someone like her in it. _He_ was so privileged to have her in his life.

"Earth to Christiaaaaaan. Anyone home?"

Ana waved in front of his face to get his attention and laughed.

"Where did you go?"

"I apologise. I was listening, but my mind just drifted for a split second."

She giggled.

"Don't worry about it. My mind would probably have drifted too if I had to listen to myself babbling. I can get carried away sometimes."

He knew she could talk non stop about the things that she was passionate about and he loved it.

"Ana, I love listening to you. I take in everything you say, babble or not. I just got lost for a few seconds in my thoughts."

"What took you away?"

Christian felt the discomfort of talking about himself and his thoughts sending heat waves up his neck and besides the obvious ones he just had which he didn't want her to know of, he did what he did best and used distraction.

"Shall we go sit at the fireplace and have our wine there? I know how you love the fireplace."

Ana of course knew what Christian was doing and picked up on his discomfort, so she just smiled and nodded her head. They moved to the fluffy carpet, grabbed some pillows and made themselves comfortable in front of the crackling fire. Ana, with her legs stretched in front of her, her hands resting in her lap with one delicately holding her wine glass, looked into the fire as if she was lost in its dancing flames. Christian took that time to look at her, her face bathed in a soft orange glow, biting her lip because she's lost in thought. She was so beautiful. He knew she was worrying about what he was thinking about at the dining table, but she didn't want to intrude on his thoughts by asking him what they were about. So, he wanted to reassure her that nothing is wrong, that he is okay and that she said nothing wrong.

"You didn't say anything wrong at the dining table. I was listening to everything you were saying, but just got distracted for a moment."

She turned her head to him and gave him the softest smile.

"Oh, I know. I know you're not used to talking about yourself or sharing your inner world. I respect that. All I want you to know is that your inner world is safe with me and it will always be. You should never be afraid to express yourself around me. You are safe and I accept who you are fully."

He swallowed hard as if a chunk of dry bread was lodged in his throat. She always knew what to say, always so considerate of everyone and she doesn't even realise her impact.

Christian cleared his throat.

"I… I can't"

Silence.

"Why are you hiding from yourself?"

His chest got tight and it felt hard to breathe. There was the question he never dared asked himself. The question that challenged him to delve, investigate, open up and explore the darkness that was strangling him. Fear. It was fear that gripped him so tight that it squeezed the life out of him. He felt the familiar grasping for air, trying to crawl out of his grave, but all he grabbed was loose sand and falling back each time. Why was he hiding from himself? Why was he scared to face his demons? Because, he was afraid of what he will find. He was horrified by what will stare back at him when he pulled the mirror in front of him that reflected his true self. He was fearful that he was as worthless and empty as he felt.

She stared at him with concern, her compassion lighting up the room and filling it with an energy he couldn't explain. He could feel that she really hurt for him, that she cared more for him than anyone ever has. Her eyes were piercing and a little V was lodged between her brows. She was sad and he could see she wanted to cry, but she stayed strong for him. He didn't want her to be sad, he wanted her to be happy and filled with life, playfully dancing around the room like she once did when she got him to admit that he deeply cared for his family and knew that they loved him. Here he was staring back at the woman that has crept so deep into a heart he didn't think he had and she was sad for him. She cared that much for him… _Was it even possible?_ He pulled his hands through his hair and pinched the bridge of his nose while closing his eyes.

"You can tell me. Open and judgement-free space here remember?"

[Song: Heal by Tom Odell]

When he opened his eyes and looked at her she was smiling and all his fear subsided. His heart was still beating like a drum, but that was not because of the fear anymore. It was because this woman was colouring him in with all the shades of wonder and serendipity. Did he deserve this? Did he deserve her? As if she could read his mind she scooted closer to him and took the hand pinching the bridge of his nose, lowered it to his thigh and held it so gently while staring into his eyes. He almost kissed her then, almost grabbed her head and tasted the sweet paradise that her mouth could provide. The moment was so charged, so vulnerable and so pure. He wanted to get lost in her kiss because she had the power to make his world right, but then she spoke and he snapped out of it.

"Don't overthink it."

And he didn't. Without thinking he spoke the words he never uttered or thought he would utter. He didn't even say it to Flynn and he has been with him for years. He knew Ana for a few months and he was facing one of his biggest obstacles. She made him want to face his fears, all of them. She made him feel invincible. She made him… Feel.

"I'm afraid." He looked down at her delicate hand resting over his, soothing and calming to his flailing nerves.

"What are you afraid of?" Her voice was gentle and filled with emotion, as if she could feel the storm raging inside his mind.

She watched as his jaw hardened, but he didn't close off like he did many times before. He was ready to talk and she was going to do this at his own pace. The fact that he admitted he was afraid was a monumental breakthrough and he didn't even know it.

"Myself. I'm afraid of myself Ana. I'm afraid to look the fucked-up me in the face while it laughs in my face. That the pimp's words were the truth and that the monster in me will consume me." He held her hand tighter while speaking, so much so that it started to hurt, but she didn't care. He was finally doing this. "I'm afraid of what I will find Ana. In life I have everything, but in here…" He placed his free hand over his chest. "I am worthless, a low life son of a bitch who got what he deserved and then some. I am a nothing and you would be horrified if you saw the real me."

"I do see you Christian."

She used her free hand to caress his cheek.

"And you are nothing like the person you described. I see a man who had a bad start in life but rose out of it and became one of the most successful people in Seattle. I see a man who hurts, but he is strong enough to face anything. I see a man who is capable of love if he opens himself up. I see a man who is kind and gentle, a man who is generous and caring. I never saw a monster, I still don't see one and I never will. You are nothing like one and you shouldn't allow others to project their hurt, insecurities and self-loathing onto yourself. I know you were young and things didn't make sense then. You had no support, nothing to draw from and you didn't have the greatest examples when you needed it the most, but look at where you are today. That pimp probably got dealt a bad hand in life too, but he chose a different direction and chose to become the negativity that surrounded him. Not everyone is strong, some need more help than others, but everyone has a choice. You chose to excel and rise up above all that was handed to you. You are nothing like him Christian and you are not the words he spoke. You are worthy of love, you are worthy of happiness and you are worthy of freedom. More than you could ever imagine. Just let go. Let go of the fear, let go of the self-hatred and self-loathing, let go of constant control, let go of the hurt, let go of the insecurities and let go of those chains. Maybe they have been unlocked a long time ago but you were hanging on to them. Let go Christian. You are worthy."

And it clicked.

"It is love."

"What?"

She didn't hear him since he couldn't breathe when he said it, much rather speak. All that came out of his mouth was a breath filled with powerful revelation.

"The magic is love."

"What are you talking about Christian?"

Ana looked at him confused, thinking that he must just be in shock after his self realisation, while Christian was staring at her as if he just made a ground breaking discovery.

"You are my magic Ana. The magic is love and… and…"

He gently slid his hands on both her cheeks and stared deeply into those blue oceans he could drown in.

"I love you Ana."

* * *

 **To be continued … ;)**


End file.
